Are You Listening?

In the first chapter of the book of James--most scholars believe that the author of this book in the Holy Bible was the very blood brother of Jesus, Himself-- we are instructed with these now age-old words:

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. (James 1:19, NIV)

I am so aware that these words are wise and helpful in building caring and trusting relationships, however, my mouth does not seem to heed this beneficial suggestion.  Even when I am focused and paying attention to the person in my midst that is currently talking, I am quick to interrupt and add my own wise words.  I know that I am not the only one who has difficulty truly listening to the other.  It has been, and continues to be, a plague of humankind to speak up before the other is finished, and many times without listening to the complete thought, idea, belief, or heart of the one who is speaking.  We are so quick to talk and slow to listen, perhaps quick to talk and even completely ignore the other person.

Woe is me!  What is the motivation or drive to block the other out and make sure my own thoughts, ideas, suggestions, and point are clearly articulated?  And who would think that anyone else may be truly listening to me?  Oh, dear brothers and sisters this is truly epidemic now and has been for all antiquity.  I was noticing the other day that it is even difficult to listen to the lovely sounds of nature without my own thoughts drowning out these peaceful and comforting sounds…birds singing, crickets chirping, wind rustling leaves, or even waves crashing on the shore to be upstaged by my incessant words clamoring for attention in my own mind.

I am wondering if each of us did just a little bit more quieting the clamoring thoughts and reigning in the words before they spew out of our mouths.  What if I quietly and intentionally listened to my friend when she shares her frustrations, worries, or joys, without piping in with my own annoyances or even a matching situation?  Sometimes I may think that if I share my own version of her story (in my own life) or offer GREAT advice, that I am somehow caring about her.  Here is an example: My friend shares that her wayward child is doing something worrisome…I pipe up with an example of what happened with my child or give some well-meaning advice. I may think, “if I share this, it will help her see that I understand and care about her.”  This may be true, but I think that instead it deflects the attention back onto myself and dismisses the heart of the other.  It may be more helpful to keep listening, nod, or sigh in solidarity.  Keep quiet, let there be space for the other to continue her lament, her worries, her sadness, her woes.  This space could be a truly holy space for the other to know she is being heard, seen, and cared for.

Here is one other common example that I witness…and sometimes do, myself—a friend, family member or even acquaintance in the grocery store share that they have some sort of ailment, I might chime in with a solution, remedy, or even how “I KNOW” how they feel because of my own experience of which I began to explain in detail…uh oh, here I go again not listening.

Is there any hope for us to follow these gentle but firm and wise words of James?  Yes, of course. By God’s grace. I can take a breath, calm my mind, refocus, and ask the Holy Spirit to give me extra attentiveness to LISTEN and truly care about the other precious human in my midst.  Perhaps if a few more of us do this a little more of the time, there can be respect and kindness for each other that will bring healing and love to a very weary world. May God give us the courage to trust Him to listen to one another.

Thanks for listening.

Confessions

Greetings in January 2022!  It has been a few months since I have written anything.  I had some gumption from time to time, but then it disappeared before I sat down to peck at the keys on my PC. Can anyone relate?  It must be Pandemic Fatigue.  I have actually had some very good ideas on interesting items to write about:  Relationships, Heart transformation, Memories, Sharing Your Story, Listening…But, today I think I would like to make a confession. Here it is:  I am so much more self-centered than I had ever believed.  My behavior and thinking proves it!

Here are two examples:  First, my amazing and caring husband, Paul and I were talking about…well, I can’t remember what we were talking about. All I remember was that I began to feel defensive and began to argue about “My POINT!”  I know you know what this is.  You have undoubtedly done it.  It’s “THE POINT” that I am trying to make and I don’t care what the other person is thinking or feeling.  I only want to get MY POINT across.  I want him (or her) to LISTEN to me and agree with me.  In this instance, we both came to our senses in a few minutes (before there was a bloody battle- not the physical kind-thankfully- but the relational knock down, drag out: “I will get heard and get my way no matter what!” kind).  We both realized our selfish desires, apologized, had a short chuckle (sort of) and then returned to our more sane and kinder selves.  This process has taken lots of practice for us and a good dose of God-given humility, but we were able to land in the more compassionate space and still care for one another.

Secondly, it happened today. Resentment and Judgment emerged from the pit of my not-so-good heart. I was minding my own business and pouring myself a cup of Saturday morning coffee when I walked by the sink…with dirty dishes in it.  Now, there are only two of us dwelling in this house at the present time, so I KNEW they were not dishes that I had left there.  The voice in my head was almost audible, “can’t anyone …EVER clean up after themselves?” (I might add, that he had cleaned out the dishwasher and put all the clean dishes away just a few minutes before that while I indulged in a very nice hot shower) Even so, I made as much noise as I could to rinse and put the dishes in the dishwasher.  As soon as the first fork dropped into the plastic hole in the dishwasher utensil holder, my voice of conviction--probably the Holy Spirit, at this point-- weighed in. “Don’t you think you can just put those dishes in the dishwasher without all that resentment and angst?” Hmm… Perhaps with a changed heart, I can.

Well, those are the confessions of my January- mid-Pandemic “Dragons” rearing up.  I hope to bring more inspiring subjects to you this upcoming year.  In the meantime, be encouraged with this:

Romans 8:1-2  “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus, for through Christ Jesus, the law of the Spirit of Life has set me free from the Law of sin and death.”

All the Best for a Blessed and Refreshed New Year!

Rebecca Sassenrath

*Watch for upcoming groups in 2022:  TBA

ReaLife Parenting, Parenting with Relationship and Grace.

Genesis Change Group for Women Alumni- Women who have been through all or part of a Genesis Change Group and would like to engage in support and refreshment of the practical Life Work of the Genesis Processes.

If you or someone you know may be interested in either of these upcoming groups, please send me an email @ rs@rebecca4realife.com Be Well.

The Two Ways

There are only two options when it comes to how we live our lives…

Many people say and believe that there are many ways “to” God.  This seems to make sense in our human brains. We cannot think of a loving, caring, compassionate God who would leave anyone out. Yet, when reading the Holy Bible (either the Jewish Old Testament Scriptures and/or the Christian New Testament Scriptures) we find that there is only One God with One Way to life.  In truth, we also see this in the modern world. Life or Death?

In the book of Genesis (meaning beginning) we peer into the garden where Adam and Eve reside.  God had just created Eve to be a helper and companion for Adam, then he gave them just two instructions:  “Be fruitful and multiply”…and “Do not eat from the tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil”.  They could do anything else, name animals, plant food, play in the jungle, create songs, instruments, tools, babies!   Just one thing was forbidden: eating from that tree. (Genesis 2:16) The consequence of this one forbidden action would lead to death.  Everything else was LIFE! And that life included loving relationships with God and each other with zero shame and…no death.

As time went on, we all know the story, Eve ate the apple, then Adam ate it, then he blamed Eve for his disobedience and God had the sorrowful deed of banishing them from the garden. He then killed animals (the first record of any death) to make clothes for the man and the woman.  The whole creation changed that day. Death entered the scene and there became many new rules.  Adam and Eve blamed each other, Cain killed Abel, people became only self-serving and began to worship everything else except God. Hmm- Sounds like today.  The story unfolded- not surprising God because He had a plan- and we see that over and over people chose the way of death instead of the way of life.

In the book of Romans in the New Testament, the apostle Paul talks at length about how sin shows up everywhere and in all of us. He says that those who are self-seeking, who refuse to believe in God and follow after evil will suffer death.  Those who seek “glory, honor and immortality” will receive eternal life.  We see that what we seek will lead to an outcome:  Death or Life.  The plethora of behaviors that happen in between the “seeking and the outcome” are varied and make it seem like there are many paths, many ways to find life.  Do good, don’t murder, help the poor, don’t slander your neighbor, honor, and respect others, don’t steal, don’t murder, etc.  It seems that the consequence of the behavior itself is death or life, but this is not so.  It is, at the core, what we seek. The really good news is that when we seek God- “Glory, honor and immortality”- we find a loving creator God who gives us life.  He is not trying to trip us up with rules and regulations in order to punish us or “send us to hell” …NO God invites us into His Grace so that we can live fully now and into the eternal where there will be only life.

Another way to explain “seeking” would be “mindset”. What is your mind set on? Again, the Apostle Paul describes this principle of aiming toward life or turning toward the path leading to death. He says, “Those who live according to the sinful (self-seeking) nature have their minds set on what that nature desires. But those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what that nature desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.” (Romans 8:5-6)

What are you seeking?  Self-gratification or glory, honor, and immortality (giving God the glory and honor in your life).  Have you placed your self at the head of your life, or have you yielded to the Loving God of the Universe who in truth wants you to live?  He proved it so we don’t have to doubt.  “God demonstrated His own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us”. (Romans 5:8) Here is the good news, the story doesn’t end there…after His death, Jesus Christ rose from the dead and now lives making intercession for you and me-those who have turned away from the self-seeking and bowed to The Way of eternal Life.  Only when we turn to God will our behaviors begin to reflect this way of living.  But even if we slip up, we know that we can still count on God to cover us and care for us and lead us toward eternal life with Him.  In each moment, in each breath, in each conversation and in every decision we can (by surrendering to the way of the Spirit) choose:  Death or Life…and Peace. Now, that is Good News!