In the first chapter of the book of James--most scholars believe that the author of this book in the Holy Bible was the very blood brother of Jesus, Himself-- we are instructed with these now age-old words:
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. (James 1:19, NIV)
I am so aware that these words are wise and helpful in building caring and trusting relationships, however, my mouth does not seem to heed this beneficial suggestion. Even when I am focused and paying attention to the person in my midst that is currently talking, I am quick to interrupt and add my own wise words. I know that I am not the only one who has difficulty truly listening to the other. It has been, and continues to be, a plague of humankind to speak up before the other is finished, and many times without listening to the complete thought, idea, belief, or heart of the one who is speaking. We are so quick to talk and slow to listen, perhaps quick to talk and even completely ignore the other person.
Woe is me! What is the motivation or drive to block the other out and make sure my own thoughts, ideas, suggestions, and point are clearly articulated? And who would think that anyone else may be truly listening to me? Oh, dear brothers and sisters this is truly epidemic now and has been for all antiquity. I was noticing the other day that it is even difficult to listen to the lovely sounds of nature without my own thoughts drowning out these peaceful and comforting sounds…birds singing, crickets chirping, wind rustling leaves, or even waves crashing on the shore to be upstaged by my incessant words clamoring for attention in my own mind.
I am wondering if each of us did just a little bit more quieting the clamoring thoughts and reigning in the words before they spew out of our mouths. What if I quietly and intentionally listened to my friend when she shares her frustrations, worries, or joys, without piping in with my own annoyances or even a matching situation? Sometimes I may think that if I share my own version of her story (in my own life) or offer GREAT advice, that I am somehow caring about her. Here is an example: My friend shares that her wayward child is doing something worrisome…I pipe up with an example of what happened with my child or give some well-meaning advice. I may think, “if I share this, it will help her see that I understand and care about her.” This may be true, but I think that instead it deflects the attention back onto myself and dismisses the heart of the other. It may be more helpful to keep listening, nod, or sigh in solidarity. Keep quiet, let there be space for the other to continue her lament, her worries, her sadness, her woes. This space could be a truly holy space for the other to know she is being heard, seen, and cared for.
Here is one other common example that I witness…and sometimes do, myself—a friend, family member or even acquaintance in the grocery store share that they have some sort of ailment, I might chime in with a solution, remedy, or even how “I KNOW” how they feel because of my own experience of which I began to explain in detail…uh oh, here I go again not listening.
Is there any hope for us to follow these gentle but firm and wise words of James? Yes, of course. By God’s grace. I can take a breath, calm my mind, refocus, and ask the Holy Spirit to give me extra attentiveness to LISTEN and truly care about the other precious human in my midst. Perhaps if a few more of us do this a little more of the time, there can be respect and kindness for each other that will bring healing and love to a very weary world. May God give us the courage to trust Him to listen to one another.
Thanks for listening.