Mind Set

Mind Set

So many people are talking about the amazing mind. “We can choose what to think”, some say. We can control our thoughts for better health. We can think our way to happiness, and so on. Some who study brain activity and behavior say that we actually have three minds: the head (the thinking mind), the heart (the knowing mind) and the gut (the feeling mind).  There are many ways of “knowing” and when we think with our mind, our heart and our gut we may in fact have a better outcome to some situations.  Or will we?

In the Apostle Paul’s letter to the Roman church, in the New Testament, Paul claims that our natural mind is sinful, set on our own earthly desires and will lead us to death.  Here is how he describes it: “Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires…the sinful mind is death”(Romans 8:5a,6a).  Now before you shut down your pc and walk away in disgust or despair let me invite you to take a look at the context.  In this passage Paul begins, in Romans 8:1 proclaiming that: “There is now therefore no condemnation in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus, the law of the Spirit of Life has set me free from the law of sin and death”.  There seems to be two forces at play here. The wise apostle is comparing those forces and describing the consequences of each. I know that I have felt these forces at war in my mind and heart even over the very smallest things.  I know that my heart (mind) desires are not always right, giving, or all loving. No! Usually my desires (if I am honest to myself) are about serving myself, making myself the most comfortable and making sure that I…I, I ,I am served, taken care of and feel completely comfortable.  Even if this is at the expense of another’s well-being. 

There is a popular cultural trend to trust one’s inner feelings to be informed of our identity, our purpose and our destiny in life. Even small children are encouraged to trust their feelings about who they believe themselves to be.  Is this right?  A child can feel so many things from day to day and it is right that they be encouraged to share and talk about their feelings, but to ask them to define their own identity (sexual or otherwise) seems somewhat cruel and self-defeating.  If a child, even a jr. high or high school child is given the sole responsibility of defining their identity fully by what they are desiring at the time, they could be duped into thinking of themselves as something that they are not. I guarantee that those feelings will change, just give it a day…or even a few minutes.  Not to mention how lonely it can become when others are pushed away or used then cast aside when our desires change (or we become the one pushed away or cast off when the other changes her/his mind).

We each have a physical and emotional reaction to every person we come in contact with and every situation that we encounter. Can we truly trust our feelings to inform us completely about who we are and who the other person is? God’s Word tells us no.  We need the Holy Spirit, the counsel of others and the Word of God to help inform us of our identity and the context of our life with God and with others. We need the Spirit working within to control and reign in the self-centered, mind-set-on-the-self, thoughts and feelings that are meant to serve only the self. 

What about “being true to self”, “trusting your heart (or gut)?”, “following your bliss”, or any of the other popular phrases to capture the way to a good life?  Well, this passage (along with many others) seems to point to a different way to know who I truly am and toward living a good life.  We cannot always trust our own heart, mind and will. We need intervention.  That intervention comes as a gift from God. It is His rescue plan for us out of death, into life.

“Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds’ set on what that nature desires, but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man (or woman) is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is Life and Peace.” (Romans 8: 5-6, NIV)

Looking for life and peace?  Then perhaps before you act out on what you first desire, check to see what your mind (heart/gut) is set on.  Then ask the Holy Spirit to shine the truthful light on the inner motivations, true desires and authentic hopes and dreams. For me, I may be wandering down a path that is less than righteous and more self-centered than I had ever thought was possible.  Even those good deeds toward others might be a mask to try to accumulate accolade and honor for myself.  We live in a very emotionally charge world that is shouting so many messages.  Suicide and violence are on the rise and hope can seem far away.  It seems that so many have their minds set on what the human sinful nature desires and it is leading to literal death. 

I have been told that I have a good gut.  I seem to know the inner workings of things that seem invisible to others. I can walk into a room and “feel” the tension in a relationship.  Sometimes I even know what my husband is thinking-or I am able to put it into words-when he is still trying to figure it out. Yikes, that could be dangerous! What if I were to pause, hand the reigns of my heart and mind to the Holy Spirit and let the Spirit of God through Jesus Christ lead me to true life? What if I were to admit that choosing my own identity, controlling my own life and trying to run my own show may not be leading me down the path of righteousness? But, if I (or you) let go of that control and release my mind set on my own desires to the kind, loving and wise control of the Holy Spirit then perhaps it will lead to Life and Peace, for me and for others.

Patterns and Systems

You may not know this is happening, but there are patterns and systems operating in you and in your relationships.  Like the hard drive in your computer these elusive and elaborate drivers are operating beneath your conscious radar screen.  What are they? How do they work? And what can you do about them? 

On a personal level every thought, emotion, and behavior that you think, feel, and do has an anchor in what you believe deep in your soul.  What you believe about yourself, God and others will drive every thought, emotion, and response even to the point of doing something that you could never believe you would do.  For example, if you believe that you do not matter, God does not care and other people exist to use you or be used by you, then you will likely develop ways to protect your emotions, and devise behaviors that protect you from others. If, on the other hand, you have a healthy view of your worth as a person, that God is personal and cares for you and others exist to enjoy camaraderie and assist each other when needed, then you will likely have more internal joy and peace, be able to “hear” from God and have dynamic and satisfying relationships with others.

The big problem is that we all have toxic beliefs that have been formed carefully from the time we entered the human family. We have been born into a fallen world and have self-centeredness raging through our veins. The apostle Paul calls this out in his letter to the Romans when he talks about the phenomena of “doing the very thing that I hate” and “not doing the very thing I want”.  Spoiler alert, we all do this! Just think of the last time you overreacted or underreacted.  What did you do? What did you say?  …or not do? Or not say?

Each of us have these protective ways that we have carefully forged inside. Daniel Amen in his recent book, Your Brain is Always Listening (Amen, 2021), talks about these as the “dragons” within.  These dragons are formed and gain influence over us (and inside of us) according to what we choose to believe.  They can be tamed, claims Dr. Amen. And must be tamed if we have any hope of having loving relationships with others, God, and our own selves.  I highly recommend this book if you would like to explore further. 

Michael Dye, in the Genesis Process (www.genesisprocess.org) calls these influencers “Protective Personalities”.  These come from the way that we interpreted the world as a young child.  We form our beliefs about the safety or lack of safety in our world.  According to our interpretation (whether it is true or not) we decided what was true and how we needed to protect ourselves in life against the neglect, abuse, abandonment, or any other way that we experienced lack of care or regard as a person.  I could say more about these patterns and elaborate systems that we develop to protect ourselves, but for now just assume that this is true. 

So, here we are with all this undercurrent running in our personal “hard drive”.  Our inner voice cries out, “I must protect”, “I must be heard”, “I must be seen”, “I must hide”, “I have to fix everything and everyone”, “I cannot trust”, “I have to run”, “I have to stay and fix this”, “I have to….” You fill in the blank.  Does any of this sound familiar?

Next, let us take this reality into our relationships.  Picture this--we have a family of people whom each have formed internal patterns (dragons) to protect, control, hide or whatever.  If you have four people in your family you have at least six complex relationships: Mom with child one, Mom with child two, Mom with Dad, Child one with Dad, Child two with Dad, and child one with child two.  Each person is deciding how to approach the other; patterns are formed from the personal dragons each person is battling within.  For instance, Mom asks child one to clean his/her room, the child responds with whining and excuses, Mom voice elevates, child one refuses, mom gets frustrated and goes to Dad, Dad begins to yell immediately and finally child one begrudgingly picks up a few clothes in the room.  Multiply this by how child two is listening in, the frustration and resentful thoughts that Dad is feeling toward mom who was unable to engage her child to do a simple task…etc.  A system is born, practiced and reinforced.  

What we decide to say and do in response to what others say and do creates patterns of relating with one another.  Every family has created a system and this system of relating either tears each person down sabotaging self-worth, inhibiting growth, and harming the heart OR brings life and health and peace to the members of the family.  With that said, of course many families may have threads of both. What is the system that you have created?

Family Systems Theory was described originally by Murray Bowen (1913-1990). He described the family as an emotional system where each person reacts and responds to the others to calm the anxiety in the self and in the family system.  Blame, reactivity, and responsibility for others can be the “dragons” of the family system.  When the system is going haywire, (which most are) every person can take on the responsibilities of others making it his/her job to fix the system and calm the emotional stress.  Each member gets caught up in and plays a role in the system keeping the unhealthy machine running.  These systems do not bring life and thriving to the people in them.  I would add that we also see these systems turn up in work environments, churches, volunteer organizations, political parties, governments, and nations.

Is there hope? Oh dear friend, there is always hope.  God is always able and willing to bring redemption, repair and reconciliation to the world and our relationships.
“All that God has created and achieved in history has been working toward one single goal—the redemption and sanctification of his people”, says Timothy and Kathy Keller in their devotional book for married couples, The Meaning of Marriage (Keller and Keller, 2019). We do not achieve great relationships without His love first repairing our own terrified, self-centered heart. We are able to do this through Christ, believing in Him as Lord and Savior, asking for forgiveness and accepting His gift of Grace. With that settled in our heart we can begin to be repaired and reconciled to God, enjoying His love and redemption. Then we can begin to relate rightly with others.

This also does not happen with one person taking it upon her/his self to revamp the system…getting everyone in line. And it rarely happens if people deny there is anything amiss or run away.  The first step in the transformation of the relational system-as with any reformation—is an acknowledgement of what is going on.  Diagnosis and then treatment. Recognition of transgression then forgiveness and restoration. If you see that things are amiss in your own family system, workplace, church, or organization the first step may be to have someone come in to help.  A good counselor, mentor or trained coach can help the group begin to see the problem.  So often we get use to the familiar system even if it is not running so well; it may take other eyes and an external voice to speak into it.  

If you or any of the people in your family (or other group) feel taken advantage of, or unsafe in any way or are not thriving to become fully the person God created you or them to be, then the system is probably not working so well.  If you find yourself unhappy in your marriage, your family, or your workplace; blaming others, or miserable in some way because of how others are treating you, then the best place to start may also be with yourself. Reaching out for help is a courageous step toward thriving relationships and peace.

The Bible has much to say about the human heart…wicked, deceitful, selfish, can be easily lead astray and unable to be known by the self. The Apostle Paul, in the book of Romans, —you may notice I spend some amount of time hanging out with the Apostle Paul in this rich book of the New Testament—observes that there is no one who truly does good, we all have sinned (followed our own self-centered ways) and fallen short of the Glory of God (Romans 3:23).  Be honest now, think of how recently you have demanded your own way, blamed someone else for your unhappiness or even done something nice just to feel good yourself? If none of those things sound vaguely familiar, then you might begin with denial in your own heart and mind. What was it like to engage with and be in relationship with you today?

The goal is for healing and restoration of relationships…the creation of a new system that brings life and health and peace to those who are learning to interact in new ways. Remember the Keller’s wise words? But how do we learn these ways of owning our own emotions, allowing others to make mistakes, have and show authentic emotions like fear, sadness or anger and grow without each person meddling with and/or controlling the others?  I will admit it, it begins with me. I first need to look in my own heart, reach out to God for His Grace and find others who I can trust and who are skilled to help. Then the process of together exploration, forgiveness and moving toward a new system of relating can begin.

The Keller’s offer this prayer that may be helpful for us all: “Thank you God that, in your love for us, you do not leave us as we are, but you find ways to wake us up and move us to make changes we need to make for Your sake, our sakes and for the sake of all those around us.” (Keller and Keller, 2019. Pg.73)

That is more than enough to think about for today.  I will be hoping and praying that this will be helpful for you to begin a new journey in a new direction toward peace within and healthier more loving relationships.

“Love one another as I have loved you” ---Jesus

 [RS1]

Mind Control

The Mind Controlled by The Spirit….

Thinking more about thinking…

In Romans 8, the apostle Paul makes his argument about our mind and our natural “sinful nature”.  We don’t like to talk about sin in our modern world, even so, I have been observing much anger, hate, fear and despair even among professing steadfast believers.  I would argue that the “sinful nature” is alive and well on the planet earth.  It seems this nature is alive and well in our own minds and hearts...in my own mind and heart.   When we read how the apostle Paul compares whether we will be controlled by the sinful nature or allow The Holy Spirit to be the One who directs our thinking, it appears that there is a real battle going on even in the mind of the modern person. 

In recent years we modern folk have become so much more aware of how the mind works through the science of brain studies and yet, here is Paul, an ancient lawyer and teacher, observing most accurately the function and characteristics of how powerful our thought life is. Just take a moment to think about what you are thinking about right now.  How have you been approaching the latest events in the world, in our country, in our communities or in your own homes?  What has been the prevailing thought in your own mind toward people who disagree with you or who are behaving in ways that you find offensive?  Judgement? Fear? Contempt? 

I have been listening to friends and family lament and even expressing terror at the outcome of recent political events.  They have been troubled by the way lawmakers have been handling or not handling certain situations.  And I have been listening to others who are puzzled by the inability of good Christian folks to see the evil and contrary ways of certain other leaders and folks engaged in acts of dishonesty and violence.  What are we thinking about? How are we approaching these situations?

I just read about a study done in 2013 about political preferences and math.  It appears that people are so set in their political ideologies that they are unable to solve simple math problems that refute their own ways of thinking. According to this study “our political passions can even undermine our very basic reasoning skills. More specifically, the study finds that people who are otherwise very good at math may totally flunk a problem that they would otherwise probably be able to solve, simply because giving the right answer goes against their political beliefs”.               (https://grist.org/politics/science-confirms-politics-wrecks-your-ability-to-do-math/).

This  study took both conservative and liberal thinking folks and gave them statistics that showed that gun control was helpful (or not helpful) in reducing violence. Those that believed in gun control believed the statistics that aligned with their own political preferences and affirmed them as true and those who were against gun control could not solve the problem to be true.  Even with the statistics in front of them.  The study also took another group and offered the same (fake) statistics to reflect the effectiveness of a skin cream developed to treat a rash. The stats were the same for both studies, the situation was made up to test if people’s minds could be changed even when a mathematically proven statistic proved it to be so.  While people solved the statistical outcomes correctly for the skin cream, they were unable to solve the same problem if it went contrary to their political bias.   What does this tell us?  Could it be that even if we mean well, our minds may be made up in such a way that even hearing and knowing the truth may not sway us.  Sound familiar? One other interesting fact about this study was that the more competent a person was in their math skills, the more set they were in their political ideologies, and the less they were able to consider the true facts that might refute their way of thinking. It seems that the smarter we are, the less able we are to consider the truth that may help us change our mind. Perhaps this is one good reason to come to Jesus as a little child.

When Jesus came into the world, He said that He came to set the captives free. He came to change our minds, our hearts, and our whole lives. He came to set us free from the false beliefs that imprison our very souls.  I wonder what each of us are being held captive to.  What is the sin nature that controls your own mind, heart and soul?  The Gospel (the Good News) says that Jesus died and rose from the dead to save us from our sin.  Jesus died as a sacrifice to save us from the control of the sin nature- being set in our own thinking- and to be set free to live according to the Spirit. How would we know if our thinking is off?  Perhaps one way is to look at the fruit of our own thought-life?  Is there overwhelming fear?  Is the desire to control and refusal to listen to others prevalent?  Are anxiety and worry taking over your thoughts…your heart, your very soul?  Is your hope in people, politics, situations, or events?  If you answer, “yes” to any of these questions then I would invite you to gently and graciously allow the Holy Spirit to search your mind and thoughts and help redirect you to the Truth.

In his autobiography, Franklin Graham talks about what he feels truly matters. He said in response to being interviewed by reporters on politics, “I want to be able to take any reporter’s question and turn it around to focus on Christ. To me, that was what truly mattered. Political issues would come and go. It was the gospel, the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes, that would endure. That’s what I wanted to talk about.” (Rebel with a Cause, Graham, 1995, pg.206)

We, of course need to care about the political structures and systems to be sure that there will be justice and care for others here on Earth as it is in Heaven, but before that we need to assess what we are personally believing and thinking because that will play out in what we say and do. It will play out in how much peace we experience. “Am I living according to the fearful sinful nature or am I inviting the Holy Spirit to control my heart, my mind, my soul, and my spirit?” one may ask. This can be a worthy assessment.

“Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires, but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is Life and Peace.” Romans 8:5-6

That is enough to think about for today. May the Lord bless you to take this journey toward Life and Peace.

Rebecca Sassenrath