Advent 2020

As we wait for the coming of Christmas , the traditional Christian community observes what is called Advent.  Advent is a time of waiting. Not anxious waiting or impatient waiting, but expectant waiting.   Much of the Jewish community is also observing  Hanukkah. This is a celebration that remembers the expectant waiting for God to save His people long ago as they had limited oil to light their lamps and were surrounded by enemy threats. God kept oil in the lamps and then gave them victory over their more powerful foes.  It is interesting to me that these overlapping seasons of waiting and celebrating God’s provision of care for and demonstration of His Love for people have evolved to holidays celebrated by hedonistic traditions of accumulating more stuff, eating more food than we need and wearing ourselves out by trying to live up to expectations of living up to--and doing more, having more and being more than the others whose Holiday letters we read each year.  We find ourselves coveting with a lust for what we don’t have and indulging in gluttony for more…more food, more stuff, more satisfaction to fill the void.  What do those things have to do with the holy celebration of Christmas, the birth of Christ, anyway?

Please don’t get me wrong, I love presents and celebrating traditions with family and friends. I am just thinking about re-thinking some of all of this.

Well, here we are at the close of 2020.  A year of pandemic, loss, unrest, fear and reflection.  How will we approach these Holy Days?  I know many of us are adjusting our traditions and expectations.  Some are going back to the stories of old--the stories where God entered the fray of the fallen world.  We are reading and thinking more about where He showed up to rescue people and remind them of His love. From the time when Adam and Eve received clothing; Noah was provided with instructions and materials for the ark; Abraham was given a son in his old age; and Moses, God’s Presence and Words on tablets for the journey through the desert; God has been demonstrating His Love and determination to rescue us from the ultimate demise of being obliterated for eternity.

The Creator of the Universe is passionate about saving us from being separated from God (God’s Self) and His love forever.  Generations after Abraham, the Jewish people experienced the miraculous provision of 8 days of oil. And centuries after that, according to the scriptures, God sent His Son as a baby…The Word became flesh, the Messiah came into the real world to do the ultimate deed of dying and raising from the dead to save us.  To save you and me. Jesus (God in the flesh)  entered our world through the unexpected avenue of human birth, a birth that took place in a filthy animal occupied stable, no less.

Now in a time of uncertainty, we can still be assured of God’s love for us.  Can we wait differently this year?  Instead of saturating ourselves with busy-ness, accumulating stuff, and  hosting many (if any) holiday parties, perhaps we can reflect and focus on something new?   I trimmed my holiday “trimming time” by several days this year. Who’s coming to look at it anyway? Perhaps that’s a start for me.

I began this little musing with waiting…awaiting…Advent. Perhaps as we find ourselves in a quieter place, less able to do all the previous Holiday traditions, it may be good to take some time to light an advent candle or a Hanukkah candle and reflect on what God is trying to say right here, right now.  He is still providing, rescuing, loving.  But like what happened over 2000 years ago His presence and love may show up in unexpected ways.  Light the candle, say a prayer and listen.

Today in the City of David a savior is born—to you—He is Christ the Lord. (Luke 2:11 paraphrased)

Blessed Holy Days to you and your whole family!

Text Fighting

I just heard about this thing called “text fighting”.  You may have already heard about it.  But I --for better or for worse--have managed to steer clear of the social media world.  If I get a text that is more than a sentence in length: “I’ll pick you up at 4” or “what did you want from the store?”  or “Can we set up a time to talk?” or “I’m running late, I’ll be there in 15 min.”… You get the idea. I may just glance over it with foggy brain or send it to my email to read later.  I am not bragging; it is just that my brain cannot process small words on a small screen in a short time.  I truly prefer to have a voice to voice conversation with you.

So, when I heard about this phenomena called “text fighting” my heart cringed and my brain shot off all kinds of fireworks…not the beautiful, awe inspiring type.  This shouting at each other via words on a tiny screen reminds me of 2 talking (shouting) heads buried in fox holes across a short field from each other.  One pops up shouting and spewing obscenities, accusations, and vile comments at the other then drops back into the mud.  Then the other pops up attempting to out-shout and out-do the other with equally or exponentially more vile comments, phrases and capital letters.  All the while, no one is listening and the fox holes get deeper and further apart, each person disappearing into their own mud hole; building defenses, gathering more ammunition, and feeling more justified in their own stance.  No one feels any better…or closer.  Each drift into more despair and loneliness while everyone wants anything but this.  No one is enjoying more closeness or a deeper more satisfying relationship with God or each other.

It seems that most of our culture has degraded into this kind of “communication” (and I use this word lightly).  We have “leaders” (and I also use this word lightly), shouting and not listening, spewing vile words and literal infectious viruses at one another.  They are literally infecting one another emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  Communities are torn apart. Families are at odds. There is unrest in our land.  All of this is going on at a time when we desperately need to be solving problems together, drawing closer and building bridges of camaraderie and hope.  We are desperate to have people who will share ideas to solve our issues instead of creating deeper division.  What might it be like if we would set down our lit up devices, look into the eyes of the other to listen and draw on the love and care we have available from God to share with one another?

What if we would all just take a deep breath, listen deeply with an open heart to the other person’s story, their heart, their longings?

What if, before we pushed “send” or “Post” we thought more carefully about what kind of injury, harm or destruction these words might have toward the other?

Will you join me in making a space for more Peace and listening instead of shouting and spewing?  Each of us are precious.  We are each created in the image of God. Imago Dei.  We are meant for love and connection.  Please take a moment to consider these words:  Let your Gentleness be evident to all… Encourage One Another in Love.

Let’s get out of our foxholes; climb out of our muddy pits of defensiveness and judgement and begin to approach each other in a new way. Jesus said that He came to set the captives free.  If you are willing, He will wash the mud off and give you the heart you need to love others.  Who do you need to consider and listen to today?

Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! Let you gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Philippians 4:4-5

May the Peace of Christ be with you.

With Kindness and Hope,

Rebecca Sassenrath, PCC 

Cues

Cues

Relationships have rules. Just like running a red light will have—or is likely to have—consequences…perhaps even disastrous consequences; breaking a relationship rule is likely to disrupt, injure or even destroy the relationship.  Misspoken words, failure to listen carefully, stepping forward without thinking about the other could very well end up in a relational car wreck. Metaphorically speaking.

Most of us are looking for and are longing to connect with others in a meaningful and satisfying way.  We are designed for it. From birth a child looks into the eyes of his/her mother. From very early ages we notice that babies-just a few days old- are disoriented if mom or another caregiver ignores the child’s cues to connect. If mom fails to respond to her child’s coos, eye connect or physical grasping the baby can become unsettled and disoriented. However, if mom looks in the baby’s eyes, pays attention to cues for connection, hunger or discomfort, and shares facial expressions in response to the searching eyes and heart of their newborn,  the infant will likely settle.

It seems we are born with an inherent knowing of some of the rules of relational engagement. See me. Interact with me. Respond, share and do this experience with me. Let’s treat each other with regard and care.  We seem to know that we should do these things. We have an inner knowing that we must behave in ways that see, hear and acknowledge each other.  But what goes wrong?  Why is it that so many of us do not experience the deeply satisfying connection with others that we long for?

I would like to take a few moments to focus on mutual regard and the sharing of cues.  Cues are when we send out a message to the other, hoping for a response to connect.  My husband and I have spent more than a few hours with some very wise counselors.  I remember Dr. Ken Logan teaching us that small cues and small acts of connection bring great payoffs in deepening our love for each other.  Going for a walk, the lover points at a bird in a tree. The other looks, nods and verbally responds with, “oh beautiful”.  I see “that” translates into, “ I SEE YOU”!  And this responding, seeing and caring builds bonds of connection, loving and care for the other.  I am sure there are many brain studies about this type of connection and I imagine it also has to be really good for our brain and the health of our bodies, our souls and our relationships.

Hear me, see me, know me and like me are the deepest needs we have as a person.  We are created in the image of God- Imago Dei.  God designed us to have some of the same inner qualities as God’s self. God reaches out to us in Love and when we reach back to God there is deep satisfaction.  God instructs us to do the same for each other.  Jesus’ teaching were all based on Loving the Lord God and Loving one another. (check out Matthew 22:36-40).

We are hardwired to connect deeply.  How are you doing with this?  Just a simple act of pointing to a flower or a cloud or a song can be a cue, a pitch for connection.  Are you paying attention to the people around you who are sending cues?  Can you talk with your spouse, your children and even your co-workers about how to recognize and respond to cues?  When a friend, parent, spouse or companion looks, acknowledges and smiles or offers a verbal gift of hearing, seeing and caring then both people experience a deep satisfaction, connection and bonding grows deeper.  But when the encounter is denied or brushed off even in a mild way there can be dissention, discomfort, and sadness.  Enough pitches ignored can lead to the game being over or seriously in trouble.

When we violate the rules of engagement by ignoring, changing the subject, going off on our own tangent, giving advice or disregarding the other regularly, “dis-ease” will form.  This can even lead to physical disease if a person is consistently neglected or treated poorly.  This goes for children, teens, and adults.  Our children, spouses, and friends are sending out signals- cues to connect- constantly. Are you picking up the signals or are you deflecting, ignoring or even blocking them out entirely? What can be done?

Good news! The smallest gesture can begin to put things back on track.  A hand on the shoulder, a kind nudge to the arm, or pointing to the sun reflecting off an airplane flying by, a flower blossoming, or even a bug crawling by…stopping to listen and look together-then at each other- can begin to reconnect the friendship, the parent-child bond, the marriage.  This, of course is only one piece of the ways healthy connection and relationships can be restored, but I think that these simple gestures, these kind shifts are available to each of us right here and right now. And, if you would like to practice picking up cues and responding more positively check out the upcoming 4 week ReaLife Virtual support group coming up in September on this website: Events page- yep, that’s a pitch!

This summer our granddaughters came for an extended visit.  We all decided to memorize this verse from the apostle Paul’s letter to the Colossians (verse 3:12)

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. (NIV)

As we think more deeply about what makes relationships work- how we connect and bond in mutually satisfying ways- these words can help us.  Compassion to embrace another’s suffering, kindness to listen and watch for cues, humility to look honestly at our own self, gentleness for the other (and myself) and patience to let God grow love in and through our own heart and life.

Watch for cues and respond as compassionately, kindly, humbly, and gentle as possible.  Oh and don’t forget be PATIENT!