The Hawaiians, along with many other indigenous cultures claim that “family” is a very high value.   I believe that in every human heart and every culture there is a sense that family is to be the strongest of human bonds.  “Blood is thicker than water”, I can hear my mother and my grandmother’s voices chiming in together. While some families do not live up to the holy bond that I believe was intended for us, some families enjoy this bond fully.  While travelling to Molokai last January my husband and I had a 4-hour layover in Kahului Airport in Maui and enjoyed observing one such family.

There is only one flight into Kaunakakai Airport on the small “friendly island” of Molokai each day because not many folks visit Molokai. Short term rentals are limited and there are few touristy-resort type activities in the small town community on this central island of the Hawaiian chain.

Let’s talk about “I’m Sorry”.   In 1970, Ali McGraw proclaimed the seemingly true statement, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”  The popularity of the movie and the tenderness of this “Love Story” made this seem so true.  Really?  Is this true?  In my experience it is actually a great relational skill to be able to apologize sincerely and to accept an authentically sincere apology in order to build a path to a closer more trusting relationship.

I know folks who find it very difficult to express their sorrow for wrong doing and those who have never accepted the apology of a friend, co-worker or family member.

First, let’s talk about some of the ways we try to say we are sorry.  There is the tone of voice, the body language and facial expressions. Then there is the deeper motivation for even admitting the wrong doing that comes from the heart condition.  I have known people who say… “I said I was sorry, what more do you want?” 

I have been thinking more about the stories we tell.  What it is that I share about myself or other people?  Even more than that, what story am I choosing to live? What is it that drive people to behave and act out the story that they chose to live?  With every action, and every conversation there is more lurking in the background.  It is the operating system in my heart and mind that drive my outward behaviors.  This morning I was reading about the speculations that some psychologists have about why a seemingly mild mannered young man violently ambushed and killed a police officer who was peacefully walking her beat in a neighboring city.  What was lurking in that young man’s heart and mind to plan out and execute such an act?